Immediate vs Delayed Gratification

I used to get a kick when I’d see a poster hanging in front of a desk of a local print and copy store that portrayed a worker laughing hysterically at a customer “YOU WANT IT WHEN?”  That must be how Higher Power feels when we seek immediate answers to our desires.  The spoiled child in all of us wants whatever we desire RIGHT NOW.  We seek instant gratification whether it is through material acquisition and collection, physical appetites like food and sex, the adrenaline rush of emotional excitement, psychological needs like acknowledgement, approval or power, or quick highs of alcohol, drugs, and other stimulants. 

As we mature, hopefully we learn that many things are better approached by working toward them in steps, that most worthwhile goals take patience and persistence to achieve.  By delaying immediate small rewards we can realize larger more lasting ones later.  We are counseled in school, houses of worship, and the workplace that putting in time and effort can get us good grades, a good job, good friends, and good relationships that enable us to live a more satisfying life.

However, many of us fell short of realizing these goals.  Perhaps we had poor role models to follow.  Maybe we were branded by society because we were different, less than others because traumatic events such as abuse, illness, crime, or a death in the family caused us to lose faith, hope, and confidence.  Painful situations like these stunted our personal development and growth.

Instead of attempting to climb the tree of happiness one limb at a time, we became tempted to grasp for the lowest hanging fruit, the path of least resistance.  And when these easy pickings were used up, we become frustrated and dispirited, bemoaning our fate, rebelling against convention, and continued to seek easy ways out.   And in this desperate frame of mind we may have lost the ability to see beyond our immediate needs.

It was when I began attending 12-step groups that I found a way out of this morass.  Here, the structure of the meeting and the guidelines and wisdom in the program literature gave me the tools to replace my insidious need for instant results with patient, incremental progress.  Even more helpful was the fellowship found in the recovery community, where friendships we make support our forward progress. We practice forgiving ourselves when we temporarily slip into unhealthy states of mind and encourage each other to get back on track.  

After years of abstaining from our prior bad habits and continually working on our character defects, many of us are in the process of retrieving the youthful ideals and goals we once had and are experiencing increasing periods of serenity.  Feel free to follow our example.  I’m fortunate to have seen so many people around me turn their lives around.  You can too.