It is human to have a need for attention. One way or another, we all seek recognition from our peers, whether they be family, friends, or society in general. This basic desire to be appreciated can be rewarded or thwarted by the environment in which we live. Affirmation can help build confidence when we are acknowledged, but when denied it can foster a sense of inadequacy. Repeated denial can lead to a catch-22 downward spiral where as we try harder and harder to get someone’s approval, our neediness causes them give us additional negative feedback. Life patterns of low esteem often result from this.
I was raised by strict rageaholic parents whose negativity, especially that of my father, dominated our household. Though I was given encouragement to study, get good grades, and behave according to their rules, whatever I did was usually deemed to be not good enough. Their unrealistic high bar led me to fall short again and again. For every mistake I made or misbehavior, real or imagined, I was read the riot act. . Often, I was hit and sometimes even beaten for not living up to their expectations.
This punitive activity led me to try anything to get their approval, even to the point of fabricating what they wanted to hear rather than respond authentically. I grew into adulthood frightened and paranoid, feeing like whatever I’d attempt would end up in failure. My attributes of intelligence and creative talent may have gotten me through college with flying colors, but after graduation, real life was difficult to cope with because I had a deep sense of inferiority and unworthiness.
Many of us are blessed with admirable traits and abilities that we have not allowed to be fully realized. Sometimes there are life circumstances and challenges that have gotten in our way. But very often it is our own mindset that limits us. I had to learn through years of therapy and recovery work that as long as I looked to others to define myself, I was essentially powerless. It is said that you can’t judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. No one else, even someone who tries to be supportive, has actually walked in your shoes. They can’t truly understand what makes you tick.
It important to look inside yourself for many of the answers you seek. Consulting a spiritual higher source is an excellent way of facilitating this. Listening to and following your better angels will produce better results. Your higher instincts help you realize that others’ opinions are an inaccurate barometer of your worth. Their feedback may reflect the imperfect biased state of their misperceptions, not the healthy state of yours. Free yourself from the yoke of what others think of you. It’s their business, not yours. You’ll be so glad that you did.
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