It has often been said that insanity is repeating past mistakes and expecting a different outcome. Anyone who has dealt with the downward spiral of addiction has undoubtedly experienced this situation. Like moths that repeatedly singe their wings flying too close to a flame or hot light bulb, we can become trapped in destructive compulsions that we know are harmful but are unable to stop ourselves. It is sad to see a dog in a Pavlovian experiment keep pursuing a rare intermittent treat. The more the animal is denied a reward, the harder it works to obtain it. When we are in the throes of addiction, though what we use may briefily satisfy us, we become increasingly intense and needy afterwards. Hence, the same old treadmill.
Most of us in recovery have poignant memories of being stuck in pits of unfulfilled desires. For many years I was trapped in a series of out of control behavior patterns that I used as a smokescreen to block out my problems. Every time I acted out, this only made them worse. I became so ruled by despair, eventually I was forced to reach out for help.
One of the most helpful lessons I’ve learned through my many years of recovery is that I had to change my mindset, my relationships, and my activities. I stopped hanging out with my former self-destructive “buddies” and started developing friendships with other recovering addicts. This has given me the motivation and support to raise my sights and create new hopes and directions. By plucking out the weeds in my inner garden, I’ve created space for new plants and flowers to grow, prosper, and bloom.
This is not to say after over a decade of recovery that all is well in my life. Challenges and obstacles still occur. My initial reaction to them is not always appropriate or effective. However, I’m making new mistakes, not old ones, and these days I have new tools and awareness to deal with them. When I recognize that I am out of balance, I can more quickly correct this. Instead of being stuck in the same old pitfalls, I am exploring new venues, making new relationships, and aiming for new goals. And when I hit a bump in the road, I’m open to learning new lessons. All this makes my days more exciting and worthwhile.
If you feel trapped in the same old abysses of frustration and self-pity, I encourage you to make an effort to change your situation. Don’t be in a hurry. Trying to do too much at once can set you up for disappointment. However patient progress a little at a time can yield better results. There is a motto popular in recovery circles, Easy Does It. Try breathing some fresh air, experiencing some new sights, and meeting some new people. You’ll be so glad you did.
DAVID CAT COHEN In Recovery blogs 