Isolation Is A Killer

Although most addicts have parts of their personalities that are extroverted, when we are caught in the throes of addiction, we go through long periods avoiding people and social interaction.  This isolated life style is self-perpetuating, making us feel less than others, unworthy of validation from partners, friends, family, and society in general. This leads us to further escapes from our problems and feeds our alienation, a self-pity trap that ensnares us and makes us miserable.

I know this from experience.  After several romantic and financial disappointments, I felt uncomfortable around anyone who was or appeared to be happier, more solvent, and more confident than me (which was almost everyone).  My feelings of guilt and shame led me to become a loner.  Instead of seeking help to redirect my poor choices, I tried to camouflage my failings as much as possible.  This need to avoid my shortcomings led to me to a series of addictive behaviors including compulsive sex, drugs, and uncontrolled gambling.  I had such a low opinion of myself that I fell into edgy, dangerous situations because that was all I thought I was worth. 

It took a couple of brushes with law enforcement to convince me that my life was out of control and I needed help.  My desperation drove me to attend the first of countless recovery meetings.  In the company of fellow addicts I was relieved to discover that I was not alone.  My sad story was not at all strange or unfamiliar to the new community I’d found.  For once, I was encouraged to be who I really was, someone whom I’d grown to despise and now needed to learn to love.  There I established many warm and meaningful friendships that have helped to turn my life around and help maintain a healthier, more positive life style.  After decades of commitment to self-improvement, I am far from the loner I once was.  I have meaningful activities and relationships that bring me happiness and self-esteem.  

Yet almost every week at my recovery meetings I encounter others still struggling with the hovels they’ve let themselves fall into.  One of the best words of advice that I and others like me tell them is to break though the isolation that keeps them trapped inside themselves.  No man or woman is an island.  Recovering from self-destructive behavior requires persistence, and keeping one’s focus is difficult to do alone. A lifestyle makeover is so much easier to accomplish with the support of others.  Even those of us with long-term sobriety know that left to our own devices, without input from our fellows we could easily fall back into our old patterns.  We can’t afford to isolate, no matter how much progress we’ve made.

If you or anyone you know is stuck in an addictive web, I encourage you (or them) to reach out for assistance.  Isolation is a killer.  Community can bring someone caught in downward spiral back to life.