Go It Alone Or Seek Support?

When one is diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, it is common to go through several states of emotion, much like in the grieving process.  The initial shock may be accompanied by anger, sadness, despair, denial, hope, and/or resolve, not necessarily in that order.  Whether the disease or condition is AIDS, cancer, or any other potentially terminal situation, each person needs time to internalize the news.  Hopefully, one can eventually accept this situation and come up with a strategy to handle it.

There are many ways people cope with such greatly disappointing news.  Some fall into self-pity and adopt a victim role asking “why me?” as they beg for sympathy.   Some pray to God (or Higher Power) to lift this scourge and heal them, promising to be on their best behavior so they can be rewarded for their repentance.  Others resolve to fight their condition with the latest medication if they can access and afford it.  When Western doctors only offer medical regimens with uncertain outcomes and uncomfortable side effects, many people turn to alternative approaches trying to find cures in herbal or folk remedies.  Still others don’t want to deal with any of this and attempt to escape their situation and live in denial.  Some even go a step further and rebel against their fate by overindulging in drugs and other self-destructive behaviors as they party their way into oblivion.  

After I got my HIV diagnosis 30 years ago, much like the protagonist in my novel (see below), I experienced each of these emotions and responses.  My life was a roller coaster of dramatic highs and lows.   After a period of panic and suffering, I realized that left to my own devices, no matter how I responded, I was in for a challenging time.  While family and friends tried to help, I needed more than they could or would provide.  When I turned to the AIDS community for assistance, I found support groups whose purpose is to bring people in our situation together to share experiences and information.  Not only did members voice their concerns and get worries off their chests, there was a lot of potential bonding.  

Having regularly attended many groups in the LA area through organizations such as AIDS Project LA, The Hollywood Gay and Lesbian Center, and Being Alive, as well as the weekly Louise Hay Hayride meetings, I attribute much of my survival to such participation.  There, I learned from other’s triumphs and pitfalls in dealing with HIV/AIDS and established some deep friendships.  The sharing and discussions helped me change my negative attitudes into more positive approaches to give me the tools, strength and confidence to deal with my condition.  Even now, some 35 years later I participate in a group of longtime AIDS survivors in the Palm Springs area called Let’s Kick ASS (AIDS Survivors’ Syndrome).

I encourage anyone with a serious diagnosis like mine was to seek information and fellowship like I did.  Just like addicts find solace and support in recovery groups, those with serious medical challenges can find similar sanctuaries and make new friends in the process.  There is no reason to go it alone.