Many of us go through life wanting things to be different than they are. We don’t have to look far to find reasons to be dissatisfied with the imperfect people, places, and situations around us. Putting on dark glasses, we can revel in “ain’t it awful” interpretations. I know that mindset full well. Whenever I used to feel disappointed, misunderstood, or betrayed, I’d enjoy playing up being a victim. Armed with a list of injustices done to me, I’d retaliate with my own bad behavior, doing unnecessary damage to myself and others because I couldn’t accept things not going my way. I was envious of everyone else’s happiness and accomplishments instead of working to achieve my own.
On the other side of the coin, sometimes when events show us tailwinds instead of headwinds, we are tempted to put on rose-colored glasses and interpret everything as wonderful, even when it isn’t. Often when I was the beneficiary of good news, my inflated ego would tell me I could do and conquer anything. In this state I’d become self-involved, impervious to other’s concerns and plights. I’d be afraid that any minute someone would pop my bubble and I’d come crashing down, reverting to the frightened insecure person I was before my temporary good fortune sent me up to cloud nine.
Neither of these exaggerated states of mind are in touch with reality. When I came to realize how my mood swings habitually led me to such off-base perceptions, I sought clarity. Therapy sessions revealed how irrational I’d become. Seeing how my dysfunctional upbringing had left me unprepared to deal adequately with my wins and losses, I worked to stop bouncing from one end of my emotional seesaw to the other.
This motivated me to study various religions and spiritual practices. Each offered a path to happiness and fulfillment. Through them I found pieces of the puzzle I was trying to solve, but not the whole answer. Organized religion as well as alternative disciplines like yoga, meditation, zen, and 12-step work helped calm my mind to a point where I could catch glimpses of enlightenment, but these fleeting moments were difficult to maintain. What finally allowed me to improve the quality of my life was when I grasped the common thread in all of these paths. It all comes down to acceptance.
The serenity prayer encourages us to accept the world as it is, change what we can, and come to grips with what we can’t. An evolved person is one who can accept each of one’s experiences on its own merits, not a preconceived opinion. A fact-based life is much easier to lead rather than struggling to maintain pre-set negative or positive slants. To keep wishing things are different is futile because in present tense they never are. By practicing being at one with everything in your world, be it good, bad, beautiful, or ugly, you can walk through life with grace and find increasing inner peace.
DAVID CAT COHEN In Recovery blogs 