When we are in the throes of addiction we can get caught in perplexing conflict. On one hand, we know we need help, but on the other, we are afraid to ask for it. Overcome with guilt and shame, we resist making ourselves vulnerable and will do anything to keep from giving up control. Yet it is this very lack of control that makes our life so unmanageable that we’re forced to reach out for assistance. You may think that throwing in the towel may destroy you. Quite the contrary; your contrition may be just what you need to turn your life around.
When I was growing up, I was told by my father to be strong, that only sissies show weakness. Men don’t cry. Women do so because they are the weaker sex. I was warned that breaking down emotionally is a bad thing to do. This sexist nonsense was very bad advice. Emotions run deep in all of us regardless of gender. By not allowing ourselves to show our confusions and inadequacies, we prevent ourselves from adapting to stressful situations that inevitably occur in our lives. When faced with difficult challenges such as grief, hurt, betrayal, or loss, we can either deal with them or develop the habit of avoiding our pain. Habitual denial can become the root cause of addictions and misbehaviors. Masking our discomfort doesn’t help us to be strong. It makes us brittle and weak instead.
Frustrations and disappointments are a part of life. Needing to escape from them only postpones growth and the ability to solve the challenges we encounter. Sometimes we can find answers to these dilemmas ourselves. But more often than not we need others’ perspectives to see them more clearly. Turning to a family member, friend, teacher, spiritual guide, or even a caring stranger can sometimes provide us the wisdom and encouragement to work through what disturbs us. Recovery programs encourage us to turn our lives over to a Higher Power of our own understanding. Higher Power is always available. It is up to us to seek it. Support can be found in unexpected places and sources when we allow ourselves to be receptive to it.
No man or woman is an island. Asking for help is nothing we need to be ashamed of. Our greatest weaknesses can sometimes lead us to our greatest strengths. I’ve learned to be proud of my ability to seek assistance when needed. By opening myself up to new input and new perspectives I’ve grown into a wiser, happier person than I ever thought I could be. My life today is far better than when I was stuck in my own impenetrable miserable world. Yours can be as well.
(c) 2019/2021 David Cat Cohen
DAVID CAT COHEN In Recovery blogs 