12/20/20
One of the great rewards of investing in personal growth is the increasing ability to accept life on its own terms. For me, this has not always been the case. After being raised in a dysfunctional family where molehills were routinely blown up into mountains, acceptance was a foreign concept. Even my slightest mistakes were subject to intense blame, guilt, and shame followed by punishment out of proportion to my transgressions. This caused me to reach adulthood with a total lack of self-confidence. Prey to low-esteem issues, my inner voices expected me to fail in any endeavors. Even when I had a measure of success and accomplishment, I waited for the inevitable other shoe to drop and bring my world crashing down. Overwhelmed with self-doubt, much of my early life was in rebel mode.
It took years of professional therapy and spiritual study to learn how to reverse these patterns. Today, I focus on doing the opposite, returning mountains to the molehills they were in the first place. Though I still make my share of mistakes and poor decisions, I no longer berate myself for coming up short of my goals and desires, By taking the emotion and drama out of personal shortcomings, you can deal with them honestly, and appropriately as you search for a kernel of truth, a potential life lesson from each situation.
One of the best ways to diffuse uncomfortable conflicts and personal situations is a simple admission of wrongdoing. Being open, honest, and vulnerable can do a lot to reduce the intensity of many issues. Carrying a grudge against whomever and whatever will only make you unhappy and keep you frustrated. This leads one to act out in unhealthy manners and places perpetuating a downward spiral that only deepens rather than solves any problems.
When you hit bumps in the road that cause pain and confusion, try not to succumb to the victimization of an “ain’t it awful” mindset. After acknowledging that your frustrations and grievances are there, quickly change the channel to neutral. As upsets begin to build, try to see them as modest hilltops, not towering mountains. By keeping these negative emotions in check, an ounce of prevention truly is worth a pound of cure.
C 2020 David Cat Cohen
DAVID CAT COHEN In Recovery blogs 